Bruno's Pawn Shop
Establishing shot of a ramshackle old wooden fort in the middle of the forest. A sign in front reads: PAWN SHOP.
Inside the shop sits Bruno Vanquisher of the Savannah, an ugly son of a bitch, (think Jeff Bridges in “True Grit”) sitting on a rocking chair, yielding a falchion, rocking back and forth, humming to himself an ancient song, about to fall asleep, when–
VOICE
Hello? Is anyone there?
(Bruno wakes with a start, raises his falchion, looking around wildly.)
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
STOP! Who the hell is there? You better not try anything or I’ll stab ya right between your eyeballs.
(From behind a nearby rock, out peeks Ghost Eater of the Technochrome, trembling in fear.)
GHOST EATER CORKY OF THE TECHNOCHROME
Please! Don’t shoot! It is me! Ghost Eater Cory of the Tehcn–
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Whaduyya want?
GHOST EATER CORKY OF THE TECHNOCHROME
To see if you’d be willing to make a trade.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Errr, you better not be wasting my time, child, with
that damn eyeball again.
GHOST EATER CORKY OF THE TECHNOCHROME
It’s a perfectly good eye ball.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
It’s missing an eye! Or a person!
GHOST EATER CORKY OF THE TECHNOCHROME
Beggars can’t be choosers.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Whose eye is that anyway? Poor sap.
GHOST EATER CORKY OF THE TECHNOCHROME
I’ll trade you for five gold coins.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
NO!!!
(He raises his sword at him.)
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Go on! Get out here before I kill you!
GHOST EATER CORKY OF THE TECHNOCHROME
Whatever happened to the customer is always right.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
The customer is always dead, you hear me?
Bruno Vanquisher of the Savannah keeps his falchion at the ready as the Ghost Eater Corky of the Technochrome walks off into the desert. After a moment, Bruno Vanquisher of the Savannah rests his falchion once again on his stomach and closes his eyes, resting, until… he’s approached by Cosmic Mage Gwendolin of the Tower.
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
Are you open for business?
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
(opening an eye)
Ugh, not you again, Cosmic Mage. No shoes, no shirt, no service.
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
I’m wearing sandals this time.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Fine, what do you want? Remember, all deals are final, no refunds, even on all potions that result in changes in physical appearance or death.
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
How much for this frog?
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
What does it do?
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
Whaddya means what does it do? It’s a frog. It does frog stuff. Like it licks stuff and eats flies.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
That’s it?
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
What the hell else do you want it to do?
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
I could kick you outta this shop.
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
Touche.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
I’m sorry, I’m just used to most frogs having some form of transference spell. Are you sure it doesn't magically transform into a handsome prince or something?
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
No, I’m afraid not.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Okay, how about does it transform into a ugly, hunchback troll from the forest?
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
Nope, it’s just a frog.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Damn!
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
If you lick it, you start to feel funny and hallucinate.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Hmm. You don’t say. Alright, I’ll trade you four gold coins.
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
Six.
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Five.
COSMIC MAGE GWENDOLIN OF THE TOWER
Deal.
(They shake)
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
I would have given you six.
(Cosmic mage Gwendolyn of the tower hands over the frog in exchange for five gold coins. She exits. Bruno Vanquisher of the Savannah goes back to sleeping. Snoring. Sorcerer Quddus of the Brambles enters. Bruno Vanquisher of the Savannah awakes with a startle.)
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Why, yes, how can I help you?
SORCERER QUDDUS OF THE BRAMBLES
Do you have any amphetamines are hallucinogens I can absorb?
BRUNO VANQUISHER OF THE SAVANNAH
Actually, I may have just the concoction you are looking for…
(SFX: Ribbet. As they begin to barter we… FADE TO BLACK)
Starring:
Warrior #7697
Wizard #2756
Wizard #2421
Wizard #868
Entered by: 0xbdA5…E5eC and preserved on chain (see transaction)
