Personal Journal and Accurate Summary Recollections of Hadrien, Court Sorcerer Emeritus

Entry the First:

And so begins the exile of Hadrien, Court Sorceror Emeritus. So far I am finding the sojourn most tolerable, and I do not miss the iniquities and gossiping and backbiting of the Court one bit. No.

I have resolved from this day forth to transcribe the various events of each day, in order to more accurately capture reality, and create a record of my life I may refer to as necessity should dictate, such as those times I find myself at the mercy of an inimical and capricious Court. For example. It is my belief that I can thus avoid the sort of slander and malignment which has only too recently been my entire experience.

With such an history at my disposal, I will no doubt make a more formidable opponent in matters where the truth is attacked, and not have my name and reputation trod upon by the mediocrities of the Court, or any other venue, and have punishments thrust upon me wholly out of measure to my deserts. Yes! I will be formidable.

Indeed, when I have collected a respectable volume of entries, I may be so bold as to send a copy of this tome to the Court, and demonstrate my command of the general facts of life, and my extraordinary ability to manage and comport myself, and in so doing clear my name. Yes. This is my object.

Entry the Second:

I am pleased to report that I remain mindful and energetic, on this the second day of my sequestration. Yes. It will take more than expulsion from Court, that den of iniquities, that hive of gossip and betrayal, to defeat the willpower of the mighty Hadrien! I do somewhat miss the innocent reveries I enjoyed from time to time in my laboratory, although I am perfectly capable of leaving them behind, as I have said. I am quite content, here, and there is nothing amiss in my life.

There is perhaps one thing. A particularly large snail has apparently taken up residence on the northern wall of my humble comfortable abode. As luck would have it, the northern wall faces away from the road, and so the odd passersby should be none the wiser to the presence of this eyesore. Nevertheless, it does vex me, as its bulbous shell is directly visible through the northern window pane, when looking to northwest, spoiling an otherwise splendid view of the heather and grass and rocks and streams and trees and hills that are my usual vista. I am presently working up the energies I should need to go out and remove it.

Update: This was accomplished. I am presently able to enjoy my home and its comforts, and am once again quite at my leisure.

Entry the Third:

I cannot claim to be entirely surprised, given the somewhat modest efforts employed, but the snail has returned to the very spot from which I endeavored – successfully, I remind you – to remove it only one day past. I suppose I must not have removed it to a far enough distance, as it has managed to spend the intervening hours returning to its former and most inconvenient position, despite the well-documented lassitude that is the general temperament of its kind. I might commend the beast’s efforts, were its effects on my vista not so deleterious. I have therefore resolved to remove it to yet a further distance than before, and am summoning the energies to do so.

Update: So done, and with some finality, I might add. I must have traveled several leagues into the fields, and twilight had begun its gentle descent into the valley, before heaving it headlong into a ravine. It should find it very difficult to return by morning, I imagine. Yes. I have now returned and searched the premises for such chemicals and instruments as I previously enjoyed whilst employed at Court, briefly considering that it might be pleasurable to recreate my old environment and once again enjoy the idle reveries to which I had grown accustomed. But finding none of these, I resolve to sit and contemplate my life’s work, which is enough to occupy the evening for one as accomplished as I.

Additional Update: I am not having any trouble sleeping, by the way, and find these environs most commodious with respect to soporific qualities. At night, the trill of crickets has a dozing, almost narcotic, effect. I do not need anything to assist in this regard, in case anyone should read this. I am quite satisfied, thank you.

Entry the Fourth:

I have brought the snail inside. Suffice it to say my latest attempt at pest removal was no more successful than the others, and I find myself at wits’ end. Nevertheless, I am intrigued. I estimate yesterday’s march to the ravine as taking a half an hour in each direction, and at a goodly pace, and the depths of said ravine sufficient to displace the snail once and for all. And yet there it was, this morning, in its now customary position.

It is difficult to comprehend the method by which the snail could have retraced these steps, let alone in time to interrupt my morning ritual of looking out the northern window, given the modest speeds of which I have assumed it is capable, and the deeply set planes of the ravine which was to be its craggy tomb. I am therefore forced to conclude from the following:

1. The snail is able to move at incredible speeds under its own power, without regard for hazardous terrain, and is uniquely attracted to this place.

2. The snail is a magic wielder. I admit I do not immediately sense any magic, but I will not risk a breach of my terms of exile and give the Court the satisfaction they crave. No. I am too clever for that.

3. The snail has been aided by a collaborator, and they are conspiring to torment me. I cannot rule this out, as I have acquired many enemies. Yes.

For now, I have devised a non-magical experiment to help me ascertain the speeds at which the snail is able to move. I have placed the snail at one end of my quarters, and similarly have placed some presumably delicious plant matter against the opposite wall. With the aid of a small hourglass, which I normally use to assist me with the boiling of eggs for my daily breakfast, I shall measure the time it takes the snail to cross the room and receive its leafy reward. Then, I shall calculate its velocity, and we can presumably either rule out the first option I have previously proposed, or else declare to be in possession of a most extraordinary animal indeed. Yes.

Update: This will not do. I have turned the hourglass over time and time again, and the snail has barely moved. My arms grow tired, my patience wears thin. I will require a larger hourglass. One at least three times as large, in order to capture more time and require less flipping.

I will write to the town at once. Perhaps I might also find a way to procure a replacement for my smelling salts, whose absence I did not note even once until now, but which may aid me in my efforts with the snail. Yes.

Entered by: 0xC56C…C0d1 and preserved on chain (see transaction)