Dungeons, Drama, and Dress Fittings: An UnderDark Misadventure

Chapter 1

In the tranquil confines of Arch-Magician Nazim's study, the afternoon was lazing away. Our wizard hero was comfortably settled in a cozy armchair sipping on a home brew of satyr tear chamomile. His adorable sidekick, and sometimes enemy, Bubbles, slumbered at his feet. Nazim savored the uneventful peace of the day, a rarity at his abode, deep within the unpredictable territory known as “The Thorn.”

Then there was a knock. Not the inviting tap-tap of a mind control-seeking hag or the timid rat-a-tat of a deep gnome. No, it was the thunderous, narcissistic pounding of someone who believed the world revolved around them. Bubbles' furry ears shot up in alarm, and Nazim, jolted out of his tea-sipping stupor, dousing himself with the putrid chamomile blend.

Suddenly, the door burst in. Enveloped in a state of disorientation, Nazim squinted at the darkened figure standing in the doorway. When his eyes had finally adjusted, he recognized the human-sized shadow as Warrior #9731.

Bones took a step forward and exclaimed loudly, “my old friend Nazim!”

Nazim rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Princess Petunia of Avalon has gone missing" Bones announced, forgoing all courtesies. "Kidnapped by Synthiax, the Mind Flayer, apparently set on making her his blushing bride."

Nazim let out an exaggerated gasp, his hand fluttering to his chest. "Oh my, a stolen princess? How incredibly original. And why would this concern a gentleman of leisure like myself?"

"Come on, Naz," Bones' voice took on a touch of embarrassment, which, in all fairness, was a new color on him. "I've got a crick in my back. I can't even sneeze without seeing stars. I need your... magical expertise."

Nazim snorted derisively. "You want me to enter the princess-saving business? After our last adventure where you nearly lopped my head off?"

“You know that was an accident,” replied Bones, “Besides, it'll be fun!”

“The last thing I want to do is help an egotis…”

A small voice suddenly interjected, "Really, Beardy? You have the backbone of a snail on a salt trail.. I'll go with this pathetic human if you aren't up to it."

Nazim and Bones looked down at the bunny who was staring up at them.

"I think your bunny just called you a coward. And it definitely just called me pathetic,” uttered a bewildered Bones.

"Fine," Nazim curtly replied. “But if we do this, Bubbles, you need to start cleaning up around here like you’re supposed to. And Bones, you have to promise to leave me alone for good.”

“That’s a deal!” Bones exclaimed as he stuck his hand out for a shake. Reluctantly, Nazim returned his grasp.

Bubbles gave them both a wink and quipped, "alright mortals, let's get a move on." With that, the demon bunny started shoving some carrots and other snacks into a bag. Nazim and Bones exchanged a glance and loaded various spellbooks, trinkets, and camping supplies into sacks and they set off.

---

Chapter 2

Two days had passed when our unlikely heroes found themselves navigating the haunting woods of Eldergloom. Bare trees clawed at the sky, the undergrowth was a disarray of gnarled roots, and the light lingered in a perpetual state of eerie twilight.

Nazim and Bones led the way, plowing through the dense shrubbery with Bubbles hopping along in the rear, his cotton-tail bouncing with each leap.

"I still can't believe I let you convince me to do this, Bones," Nazim grumbled, swatting away persistent mosquitoes aiming to make a nest in his ear hair.

Bones shrugged nonchalantly. "You're just mad 'cause the bunny called you chicken. Remember when you were an all-powerful Arch-Mage? Those were the days. You wouldn't let a fluffball talk to you like that back then."

Nazim reacted with a grumble of indignation that made his bushy beard wobble. He leaned in to whisper to Bones, ensuring Bubbles was out of earshot, "Bubbles was once the demon monster known as the Terror Beast, and I defeated it,” Nazim beamed proudly, “and I saved the entire realm!"

“Sure you did, Naz,” Bones taunted. “Let’s not get too worked up, though. At your age, we need to keep that blood pressure in check.”

Their bickering made them careless. Bones misstepped and, in a flurry of leaves and a torrent of expletives, Nazim and Bones found themselves hoisted by their feet, swinging beneath the canopy, ensnared in a rope trap.

As they dangled helplessly, a band of disheveled bandits emerged from the underbrush.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here?” The leader, a hulking brute with a face like a half-eaten pasty, guffawed. His mismatched armor was clumsily held together by twine, and he brandished a rusty blade that appeared to have seen better days. “This is a treacherous land for an elderly wizard and his bumbling friend. Lucky we found you when we did. There are some unsavory characters about.” His motley crew of outlaws erupted into raucous laughter.

A high-pitched, “Ahem,” sliced through their mockery. The bandits turned to find Bubbles, perched defiantly on a large rock, its pink nose twitching with barely suppressed annoyance.

“Cute bunny ya got, old man,” sneered one of the thugs. Another bandit licked his lips, a glint in his eyes.

"Looks delicious. Good for a stew," he grunted, advancing menacingly towards Bubbles.

“I wouldn’t recommend that," Nazim warned from his uncomfortable perch. "Bubbles isn’t very friendly.”

The bandits just laughed harder. “Here, bunny, bunny, bunny,” the ogre-like brute called out mockingly.

In a flash, Bubbles lunged, its razor sharp teeth locking onto the man's jugular. The man fell, clutching his throat, his eyes wide with disbelief.

The bandits stumbled back. “What in the hell is that thing?” cried the panicked leader. “Back off, rabbit, or…or your friends get it!”

But it was already too late. A spark of electricity crackled from Bubbles' eyes. One of the bandits took a direct hit to the chest, catapulting him into an Ash tree, leaving him slumped and unconscious. Bubbles then spun in the air, hurtling towards another thug like a fluffy shuriken. It struck him in the shoulder, causing the man to veer violently sideways and impale himself on a thick branch. Only the leader remained.

Stunned by the carnage, the leader drew a knife from his belt. “Step any closer and I'll slice you open, you little monster!”

Bubbles giggled, a chilling sound. Its eyes flashed red, and two crimson beams shot out, bisecting the man before he could react.

Hanging from the tree, Bones turned to Nazim, his face pale. "I think... I may have peed a little," he admitted.

Nazim merely nodded, his gaze fixed on the fearsome bunny below. “Your secret's safe, Bones. I peed a little too. Seems there's more Terror Beast in there than we thought.”

Bubbles nonchalantly gnawed through the rope, sending the men tumbling to the ground in a heap. After they'd disentangled themselves, Bubbles nosed into one of the sacks to retrieve a muffin.

"Mmmph... all this slaughter makes a bunny peckish," Bubbles mumbled, mouth stuffed full of cornbread.

Bones gave a dumbstruck nod, stealing a sidelong glance at Nazim, his eyes wide with trepidation and awe. Nazim, in return, shrugged, his face equal parts amusement and anxiety.

They gathered their scattered belongings with a newfound urgency and resumed their journey through Eldergloom. This time, however, they kept their deceptively ferocious little companion firmly within their line of sight at all times.

---

Chapter 3

Nazim crouched behind a boulder deep within the caverns of the Grimfoul Mountains, and just outside Synthiax’s Lair. The lair was, as one might expect, a ghastly combination of ghoul-infested, grimly gothic castle and dank bottomless crypt. Vaulted chambers burst from the labyrinthine network like swollen bubbles from a nightmare. Stalagmites and stalactites, gnarled and grotesque, jutted from the floors and ceilings, creating the impression of a mouth frozen in a scream. At the heart of these chambers, bone chandeliers hung ominously, their pale, skeletal illumination revealing gruesome murals that depicted unspeakable horrors wrought in a palette of dreadful colors. But the most unsettling detail was a giant banner that cheerily read: “Welcome to Synthiax and Petunia’s Celebration of the Power of Love.” A twisted aesthetic, indeed.

Bones squinted at the spectacle, his nose crinkling in distaste. "Well, it’s a bit cliché, isn't it? Even the monsters of the UnderDark have caught the wedding fever. Truly horrifying."

“I’m kind of excited,” declared Bubbles. “I love weddings! I wonder what kind of music they'll have?”

As if struck by a bolt of lightning, Nazim’s face brightened. “That’s it!,” he exclaimed, turning his gaze to Bones. “Do you still carry that beat-up lute of yours?"

With a confused blink, Bones rummaged through his leather backpack and produced the instrument. "Of course! I would never leave my sweet *Seraphina *behind,” stated Bones lovingly, giving the instrument a delicate kiss on its soundboard. “But I’m not sure if now is the best time for a tune. Maybe a short rendition of ….”

Nazim cut him off, his eyes glinting with a mischievous gleam. "We're going to crash their nightmare nuptials as the entertainment."

The statement hung in the air, so ludicrous it was comical. And yet, as the words sank in, Bones grinned, his grip tightening on his lute. "Now, that's a plan I can get behind. I've been itching for an audience."

"Oh, it gets better," Nazim continued, now turning his gaze to Bubbles. "Bubbles, how do you feel about drums?"

Bubbles twitched an ear in Nazim's direction, a flicker of thrill brightening his eyes. “I have never wanted anything more,” the bunny excitedly quipped.

Thirty minutes and one mugging later, the motley crew donned their disguises. Nazim draped himself in a mismatched jacket he rummaged from an ambushed goblin; Bones outfitted himself with the formalware of an overpowered gnoll; and Bubbles dressed, as always, in its birthday suit. To finish the look, Nazim conjured a flute for himself and a set of miniature drums for Bubbles. They were ready.

Clad in their outlandishly eccentric outfits, they strutted their way to the lair's entrance. A couple of grizzled ogres on door-duty eyed them with well-earned suspicion. Bones, now in full swagger mode, stepped forward, flashing a grin that was thirty percent charm and seventy percent overconfidence.

"Gentlecreatures," he boomed, striking a pose that would have made any traveling bard proud, "we are tonight's entertainment!"

The goblins looked at each other, then at the rabbit holding a tiny drum set, and shrugged. “Why not? We’re kind of bored and that bunny is so cute. What’s the worst that could happen?” With a reluctant grunt, they stepped aside, allowing the world's least likely wedding band to make their debut performance.

---

Chapter 4

Traversing the winding corridors of the Mind Flayer's lair, they approached what appeared to be a grand reception hall. Illuminated garishly by bioluminescent fungi, the room teemed with the most bizarre assortment of wedding attendees: trolls dressed in bow ties, bugbears sporting bustles, and ogres donning satin top hats. A stout gnoll, having imbibed a little too much Djinn Mead, attempted to waltz with a scantily clad gorgon. In short, it was chaos.

A crude platform, embellished with rotting flowers and still-twitching mandibles of an unidentifiable creature, served as their stage. As they clambered onto it, a palpable hush fell over the crowd. Bones shot a quick, apprehensive glance at Nazim before turning to Bubbles. "Alright, we need a plan. What's our opening act?"

The question initiated a hushed debate, underscored by the rhythmic tapping of Bubbles' paw on the mini drum set. "What about 'Tentacle Adoration'?" Bones offered. “It’s popular with the cephalopods." Nazim retorted with a disdainful glare.

"A romantic ballad at a coerced wedding?" Nazim scoffed. "Let's go for Troll Two-Step.' At least it's lively."

Just as Bones prepared to counter, Bubbles, growing impatient with their indecisiveness, hammered the drums with a surprising ferocity. The two jumped, turning towards the bunny who now embarked on an epic, electrifying drum solo.

Stunned, Bones and Nazim scrambled to catch up. Bones strummed his lute, hunting for the rhythm, while Nazim channeled his magic into a makeshift microphone. Soon, the room reverberated with a remarkable fusion of heavy metal lute rock.

Nazim seized his moment, belting out the chorus.

In the grime's depths, where no sunlight gleams,
A creature stirs, with claws sharp as dreams.
Green, scarred skin, eyes black as coal,
An Illithid roars, ROCK AND ROLL!!

In the bog's heart, where shadows sprawl,
Monsters answer the underworld's call.
Torn wings, gleaming fangs in the moonlight's beam,
Tonight, we toast to true love's dream!

As Nazim finished the verse, Bones added an elaborate flourish on his lute—and the crowd erupted.

Nazim, spotting an opening, weaved his charm spell into the next chorus.

Raise your horns, let them glimmer in the light,
In this monster's rave, we ignite.
With a goblin's growl, and a Banshee’s howl,
To chaos' rhythm, we disembowel!!!

"Hmm, ‘Disembowel’ doesn’t seem right," Nazim remarked under his breath. “I think I made a mistake.”

Instead of beguiling the wedding guests, the spell-infused lyrics, amplified by the music's raw energy, incensed them.

An irate rock troll, towering over the crowd, hurled his half-eaten chicken leg across the room, smacking an unsuspecting ogre squarely in the face. The ensuing chaos spiraled out of control.

A goblin bridezilla wrestled a tipsy banshee over a flubbed curse; two werewolves howled across the room, accusing each other of disgraceful dance choreography; a fuming hobgoblin yanked the robes of a scandalized specter, causing it to trip into a bottomless pit.

Caught up in his metal frenzy, Bones remained oblivious until an inebriated cyclops, mistaking the stage for a restroom, vomited on his boots. "Alright, that's enough," Nazim grumbled, grabbing Bones and Bubbles and diving offstage, disappearing into the escalating chaos.

---

Chapter 5

After their impromptu concert devolved into a mosh pit, Nazim, Bones, and Bubbles dove deeper into the Mind Flayer lair. The gnashing and growling echoes of wedding guests in full-scale brawl accompanied them, creating a vile serenade as they navigated the maze of dimly lit corridors.

Soon, the eerie stalactites and cryptic murals showcasing past horrors gave way to something far more insidious: wedding décor. A trail of putrid petals from the underworld's rarest rose, the ghoul's breath, led them into an unexpectedly festive section of the caverns. Strange stone formations, bearing a suspicious resemblance to makeshift pews, lined the path, and further ahead, a gaggle of ill-fitted dresses and suits clumped around a faint light source.

"That looks promising," Bones whispered, gesturing towards the odd congregation.

With careful strides, they moved closer. The nervous chatter of various underworld denizens grew louder, morphing into discernible conversations. The trio, garbed in their odd disguises, slipped unnoticed into this surreal scene and, to their relief, found the princess in its midst.

They were now in what seemed like a makeshift bridal suite, complete with a powder room and a quaint reading nook. In the corner, surrounded by goblins and troglodytes donning frilly, pea-green gowns, sat the princess.

Upon spotting our dubious heroes, Petunia declared dryly, "Lovely. More visitors. … I’m okay, thanks. You can show yourselves out."

As her words left her lips, a large steel door creaked open and a monstrous troll head peered in.

"Who are you lot?" the troll demanded, its heavy jowls wobbling with each syllable.

Bones stepped forward, puffing out his chest. "We, dear creature, are the royal wedding dress fitters. Surely, you wouldn't want the princess strolling down the aisle in something as tasteless as that pea-green abomination?"

The troll blinked slowly at Bones, its lower eyelid lagging behind the upper one. "Well, um, I guess not. I tried to tell them that dress just wouldn’t do. I suggested the blush pink one. Much more contemporary."

Their exchange was interrupted as a group of glammed-up kobolds stormed in, panting under the weight of garment bags and pin cushions. The troll scratched its head, uttering a perplexed, "Wait a minute..."

Amidst the troll's confusion, the princess rose from her makeshift vanity with an air of exasperated elegance. With a swift motion, she yanked the heavy door and swung it violently into the troll’s head. Not stopping at one swing, she continued until the troll collapsed.

The kobolds froze in shock until one of them let out a shrill shriek and bolted from the room. The rest followed suit, dropping their bags and pins, and whatever was left of their dignity as they scrambled for the exit.

Nonchalantly, the princess dusted her hands on the abhorrent pea-green dress, looking thoroughly pleased with herself. "Okay then," she said, "I suppose you were sent by my father?"

Bones, glancing at the battered troll, swallowed before replying, "Um. Yes. We are here to rescue you."

“You definitely had that handled,” the princess jeered. “Okay, let’s get out of here.”

“I think we should hurry,” squeaked Bubbles. “I bet those fancy lizard critters told some of the bigger goons the princess was loose.”

“Good point,” remarked Nazim. “It’s been fun, but this party's over.”

With a shared glance between them, they started toward the exit of the labyrinth and salvation.

---

Chapter 6

They were but a few strides from the mouth of the cavern, the promise of freedom so tantalizingly close, when a slithering sound and a deep, gravelly voice burst within their subconscious.

"Where are you taking my bride?" the voice menacingly asked.

“Try to block it out,” Princess Petunia cried out. “Focus on your movement. One step at a time.”

The group's pace slowed as they approached the last fork in the tunnels. To the left, freedom beckoned; to the right, a path leading back to the Mind Flayer’s dungeons. The Princess, Bubbles, and Nazim veered toward the exit, but Bones stopped dead, his body frozen against his will.

Nazim spun around, "Bones, what are you doing? This way!"

His words seemed to evaporate into the chilly air as Bones, entranced, turned his back on his allies and slinked into the darkness. The others halted, and together they watched their friend disappear into the abyss.

Without warning, a grotesque creature emerged from the blackness, dragging an unconscious Bones in its wake. The monster's tentacles writhed and contorted like serpents, each one terminating in a sucker-lined pad.

The voice inside their heads boomed again, "Return my bride to me, or I shall spend eternity shredding this creature's mind, stripping away its memories until there is naught but an empty shell."

Beneath his breath, Nazim could hear Bubbles whisper, "No way. That's so awesome."

Nazim shot Bubbles a scathing look before he found the courage to address the Mind Flayer. "Your... bride?" Nazim retorted, "I think you've got the wrong end of the stick, mate. She wasn't exactly thrilled about the whole thing. How about we chalk this up to a misunderstanding, eh?" Nazim forced a strained smile, his mind whirring as he tried to formulate a plan.

“I shall relish feasting on your cerebral fluids, gradually turning your body inside out until your organs spill onto the stone beneath us. I will grind your bones into dust and make a soup from your intestines," the creature dryly declared with a twisted grin.

“So, so awesome,” Bubbles whispered again, in awe.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” retorted Nazim, raising his staff as he recited the words to an ancient spell that would banish the creature to a pocket dimension.

The Mind Flayer’s chilling laughter interrupted Nazim, and he felt his staff arm involuntarily lower.

“What…What is happening?” shrieked Nazim as he was forced to his knees, now kneeling before the monster.

“For too long, my kind has been forced to hide in the Underdark," the Mind Flayer began. "We skulked in the shadows, feared and reviled, confined to the bowels of the earth, hidden from the light. But no more. I will rise, not as a monster lurking in the shadows, but as a king with my queen by my side. I will command not just the dark but the world above. Your world. And it starts with my union, my bride. A symbol of the joining of two worlds. You stand in the way of evolution, progress. But you're merely a gnat, a nuisance, a delay. Now, come, darling. It is time for our union.

Just as the Mind Flayer's declaration reached its sinister crescendo, a rumbling and a series of loud thuds echoed from deep within the tunnels. Suddenly, the tunnel wall to their right burst open, a cloud of dust and debris exploding into the chamber.

Emerging from the dust cloud, an umber hulk, locked in a fierce brawl with a cave giant, careened into the chamber. Although significantly shorter, the umber hulk capitalized on its bulk and lower center of gravity. With a deft maneuver, it headbutted the giant in the midsection and hurled it over its shoulder towards the Mind Flayer. The impact of the giant crashing into the wall above dislodged an avalanche of rocks and soil that pinned the Mind Flayer King to the ground. Bones was released, but was now at risk of being trampled in the chaos.

Seizing the opportunity, Nazim sprung to his feet. "Move!" he barked, gesturing wildly at his companions. "Grab Bones and let's hightail it out of here!"

Bubbles and the Princess needed no further coaxing. Petunia sprinted towards Bones and hoisted him over her shoulder. Bones, still groggy but regaining his senses, allowed himself to be carried away, his expression a picture of bemusement.

"Y'know," Bones muttered, blinking rapidly as they navigated their way towards the light, "I really took a liking to that Synthiax guy."

With that, they broke free from the underground labyrinth, shaken but alive.

It was the Princess who spotted their salvation - a pair of horses tethered to a tree, probably left behind by some unfortunate wedding guests. As the echoes of the irate Mind Flayer's roars filled the cavern behind them, the heroes scrambled towards the horses.

Petunia, still supporting Bones, heaved him onto one of the horses. Bones landed with a thud and he gave the horse a comforting pat. "C'mon, Princess," he slurred, “How about a moonlit ride? Just you and me." And with that, Bones drifted again into unconsciousness.

“Ugh, gross,” the Princess retorted, “I'd rather marry the Mind Flayer."

Meanwhile, Nazim, with Bubbles in tow, clambered onto the other horse.

“This has been an exhilarating experience, but I believe it's high time we made our exit,” Nazim yelled, his voice shaking slightly as he cast a wary glance back at the emerging hordes of goblins from the tunnel exits.

With the Princess holding the reins of one horse and Nazim the other, they gave the animals a firm nudge. The horses bolted from the cavern and into the night. Their departure came not a moment too soon. As they galloped away, the last thing they saw was the Mind Flayer emerging from the rubble, his face contorted in wrath, bellowing after them.

They had escaped the grasp of the Mind Flayer, and although they knew the danger was far from over, for now, they reveled in the cool night air and the promise of the journey ahead. The stars twinkled above, silent witnesses to their daring escape.

---

Our Heroes and the Villain

Arch-Magician Nazim of the Keep:

Bones Calamity of Chaos:

Bubbles (The Terror Beast)

Princess Petunia of Avalon

Synthiax, the Mind Flayer

Entered by: 0xa5d9…68c1